Give a Spanking?
A growing body of research has shown that spanking and other forms of physical discipline can pose serious risks to children, but many parents aren’t hearing the message. American Psychological Association
So you've already decided that you are going to spank your child, but you want to know the general steps you should take first? Then read this article to learn how you can safely spank your child.
- Make sure that before you do anything, that you are set on this plan. Deciding whether you want to spank them or simply ground them instead should be decided before you announce the spanking, so make sure you are set on it, and will not in any circumstances back down from this decision.
- Once your child has earned a spanking take him or her for a walk, and talk calmly with them. Explain what they did wrong, why it's wrong, and which better choices they could have made instead. This should be an open conversation in which the child can ask questions to understand exactly what is expected of him or her. The walk also gives you a chance to clear your head and calm down, as it is important to always be calm and clear of any anger when administering a spanking. As the conversation is coming to a close, wander to the area where the spanking will occur. This place should be private, away from onlookers.
- Once you have reached your destination and have come to a clear understanding, announce that the consequence of the child's actions will be a spanking. (ex. "Because you chose to cheat on your math test and as we just discussed cheating is wrong, I think you need to be spanked.)
- The child will probably be a bit angry and resentful. They may be a bit nervous also. This is to be expected, and although you should be understanding of these reactions, you also need to stand your ground. They earned their spanking, and you must not back down from this punishment now that you have already told them you will follow through with it!
- Explain the terms of the spanking: over a clothed bottom, underwear-clad bottom, or bare bottom, and how long the spanking will be. It is not advised you set the number of slaps, or tell them a set number of slaps, as they should not be counting during their punishment until it is up. For example: setting 4 smacks would not be good because most kids need more than 4 smacks for their spanking to helpful in their punishment step of the childhood. (For kids aged 2-5, it is recommended the spanking be over their clothed bottom, and no longer than 5 seconds. For a child aged 6-8 it is recommended the spanking be over their bare bottom, and no longer than 15 seconds. For a child aged 9-12, it is recommended that the spanking be over panties, and up to 30 seconds. Always remember that you should be counting 1 mississipi, 2 mississipi.. for each second.)
- Decide whether the spanking will be over the knee, bending over a bed or chair, or standing up (although standing up is not a recommended position). Your decision should be based on 2 factors: the size of the child, and their age. If the child is under 9 years old and small enough, it is recommended that all proper spankings be over the knee, but if they are too big or too old, then they should be bending over a taller bed, with one of your hands on their back. Once you have made this decision, get into position (If the spanking will be over the knee, sit down, then pull the child over your lap. If the spanking is bare bottom or over the underwear, then you should be the one to pull down their pants and/or underwear always).
- Make sure that any and all rings on your fingers and/or items in your back pocket are removed and placed away from the spanking, on a table or chair off to the side. You don't want anything that will obstruct the spanking or possibly hurt the child.
- Tell the child that you are going to spank them and they should remain in position. Tell them it would be unwise if they attempt to block or otherwise resist the punishment. Do not talk during the spanking (i.e. No forms of: You- SPANK -do- SPANK -not- SPANK -do- SPANK -that! or counting the smacks out loud).
- If they are complaining or whining, tell them this will only cause for a longer spanking. Crying, however, is natural before, during and after the spanking, and should not be punished.
- Relax your hand and all your limbs, making sure that the childs legs are locked under yours and that you have a firm hand on their back. Count to three, taking a deep breath, and begin spanking. You should only lift up your arm halfway (from the elbow down), then land the first smack squarely between the buttocks, taking care of how hard you are hitting and that you are far away (at least 2 inches) from their tailbone. Then begin smacking each cheek, possible left, left, right, right, center, left, left, right, right, center, or just in random order. It is recommended that you spank in random order. Make sure you listen to the childs responding actions and the redness of the bottom if it is over bare. Spanking is a tiring event for both the spanker and the spankee. If your child seems out of breath, is breathing heavily or panting, stop for a minute or two to let you both catch your breath, and continue. Count in your head 1 mississipi, 2 mississipi, etc. so you know how long you should be spanking. Make sure the child stays in place during the spanking so that it is safely done.
- Give the child a few minutes to calm down after the spanking. They will probably be crying, which is normal. Let them lie for a couple minutes, then pull up their pants and/or underwear (if needed) and sit them up on your lap. Their bottom may be tender. Ask them to explain why they got their spanking, and why what they did was wrong. Ask them what they should of done instead, and make them promise to follow rules in the future.
- If necessary, send the child to the corner to calm down, and dole out extra punishments, such as grounding or time outs. Make sure that they know that they are forgiven by everyone. No one in the family should be holding any grudges anymore, they have already served their punishment.
- Remind the child that you do not like to spank him or her, but that you will when needed to correct him or her, as you just did, and to please not make bad choices like these again.
- When done properly, although this may sound odd, a spanking can be a positive learning experience. Although some may think, it does not teach children that violence solves problems. It builds a trust between family members, and most kids at some point in their lives need a spanking to correct their behaviour. It is completely normal. You may feel bad inside (which is completely normal), but know that you are not a bad parent in the slightest for spanking your child, because when done correctly (without abuse and for the right reasons), it is a part of parenting. Make sure that at the end of the day you tell your child that you love them always no matter what. Hug them, and give them a big kiss! They may feel resentful to you for a few days, but will forgive you for it!