So you've already decided that you are going to spank your child, but you want to know the general steps you should take first? Then read this article to learn how you can safely spank your child.
- Make sure that before you do anything, that you are set on this plan. Deciding whether you want to spank them or simply ground them instead should be decided before you announce the spanking, so make sure you are set on it, and will not in any circumstances back down from this decision.
- Once your child has earned a spanking take him or her for a walk, and talk calmly with them. Explain what they did wrong, why it's wrong, and which better choices they could have made instead. This should be an open conversation in which the child can ask questions to understand exactly what is expected of him or her. The walk also gives you a chance to clear your head and calm down, as it is important to always be calm and clear of any anger when administering a spanking. As the conversation is coming to a close, wander to the area where the spanking will occur. This place should be private, away from onlookers.
- Once you have reached your destination and have come to a clear understanding, announce that the consequence of the child's actions will be a spanking. (ex. "Because you chose to cheat on your math test and as we just discussed cheating is wrong, I think you need to be spanked.)
- The child will probably be a bit angry and resentful. They may be a bit nervous also. This is to be expected, and although you should be understanding of these reactions, you also need to stand your ground. They earned their spanking, and you must not back down from this punishment now that you have already told them you will follow through with it!
- Explain the terms of the spanking: over a clothed bottom, underwear-clad bottom, or bare bottom, and how long the spanking will be. It is not advised you set the number of slaps, or tell them a set number of slaps, as they should not be counting during their punishment until it is up. For example: setting 4 smacks would not be good because most kids need more than 4 smacks for their spanking to helpful in their punishment step of the childhood. (For kids aged 2-5, it is recommended the spanking be over their clothed bottom, and no longer than 5 seconds. For a child aged 6-8 it is recommended the spanking be over their bare bottom, and no longer than 15 seconds. For a child aged 9-12, it is recommended that the spanking be over panties, and up to 30 seconds. Always remember that you should be counting 1 mississipi, 2 mississipi.. for each second.)
- Decide whether the spanking will be over the knee, bending over a bed or chair, or standing up (although standing up is not a recommended position). Your decision should be based on 2 factors: the size of the child, and their age. If the child is under 9 years old and small enough, it is recommended that all proper spankings be over the knee, but if they are too big or too old, then they should be bending over a taller bed, with one of your hands on their back. Once you have made this decision, get into position (If the spanking will be over the knee, sit down, then pull the child over your lap. If the spanking is bare bottom or over the underwear, then you should be the one to pull down their pants and/or underwear always).
- Make sure that any and all rings on your fingers and/or items in your back pocket are removed and placed away from the spanking, on a table or chair off to the side. You don't want anything that will obstruct the spanking or possibly hurt the child.
- Tell the child that you are going to spank them and they should remain in position. Tell them it would be unwise if they attempt to block or otherwise resist the punishment. Do not talk during the spanking (i.e. No forms of: You- SPANK -do- SPANK -not- SPANK -do- SPANK -that! or counting the smacks out loud).
- If they are complaining or whining, tell them this will only cause for a longer spanking. Crying, however, is natural before, during and after the spanking, and should not be punished.
- Relax your hand and all your limbs, making sure that the childs legs are locked under yours and that you have a firm hand on their back. Count to three, taking a deep breath, and begin spanking. You should only lift up your arm halfway (from the elbow down), then land the first smack squarely between the buttocks, taking care of how hard you are hitting and that you are far away (at least 2 inches) from their tailbone. Then begin smacking each cheek, possible left, left, right, right, center, left, left, right, right, center, or just in random order. It is recommended that you spank in random order. Make sure you listen to the childs responding actions and the redness of the bottom if it is over bare. Spanking is a tiring event for both the spanker and the spankee. If your child seems out of breath, is breathing heavily or panting, stop for a minute or two to let you both catch your breath, and continue. Count in your head 1 mississipi, 2 mississipi, etc. so you know how long you should be spanking. Make sure the child stays in place during the spanking so that it is safely done.
- Give the child a few minutes to calm down after the spanking. They will probably be crying, which is normal. Let them lie for a couple minutes, then pull up their pants and/or underwear (if needed) and sit them up on your lap. Their bottom may be tender. Ask them to explain why they got their spanking, and why what they did was wrong. Ask them what they should of done instead, and make them promise to follow rules in the future.
- If necessary, send the child to the corner to calm down, and dole out extra punishments, such as grounding or time outs. Make sure that they know that they are forgiven by everyone. No one in the family should be holding any grudges anymore, they have already served their punishment.
- Remind the child that you do not like to spank him or her, but that you will when needed to correct him or her, as you just did, and to please not make bad choices like these again.
- When done properly, although this may sound odd, a spanking can be a positive learning experience. Although some may think, it does not teach children that violence solves problems. It builds a trust between family members, and most kids at some point in their lives need a spanking to correct their behaviour. It is completely normal. You may feel bad inside (which is completely normal), but know that you are not a bad parent in the slightest for spanking your child, because when done correctly (without abuse and for the right reasons), it is a part of parenting. Make sure that at the end of the day you tell your child that you love them always no matter what. Hug them, and give them a big kiss! They may feel resentful to you for a few days, but will forgive you for it!
- Make sure the punishment fits the crime!
- Always consider the child's age, size, maturity, and offense when choosing to spank
- Only use spanking as a last option, when grounding and taking away priveliges didn't work.
- Always give one warning, and include what the punishment will be should they do it again, so that the child knows that what they are doing is wrong.
- Never spank too often. If you are constantly having to spank all the time then it probably doesn't work on your child (as every child is different), or they are getting too used to it, which should never happen. A proper spanking should be a very occasional thing, something that happens only a few times a year/once every few months in their growing years.
- If discipline (not just spanking, but discipline in general) is started early, around about 1 and a 1/2 years of age, you should not need to spank your child past the age of about 7 or 8. If it is needed much past that, it is recommended you try other punishments.
- For parents who spank bare bottom: Try wetting or oiling the bottom (if you spank bare) before spanking. Many parents say that they received excellent results to this (The slapping sound of hand against bottom is extra defined, making the child feel the spanking more. It makes them feel like you are spanking harder than you actually are, and you do not need to spank as hard)!
- For parents who spank bare bottom: If you are uncomfortable about completely taking down your childs underwear for want of frontal privacy, try purchasing drop down seat jammies used specifically for spanking only. They contain a drop down seat just over the rear end of the child (should be worn without underwear) giving the child privacy in their front (no frontal nudity) while giving the parent/spanker easy access to the bottom, and if they are only worn for spankings, then it gives the child a more "ritual" feel while wearing them, because they know that wearing these jammies means they are in trouble.
- For parents who spank over panties or bare bottom: If you are hesitant of baring your childs bottom for a spanking, but also unsure of spanking over clothes for fear of spanking too hard, and do not want to purchase or sew drop down seat jammies, this is another option- (2) Soaking the underwear (which need to be white, no patterns) in warm water for a few minutes before the spanking (adds the slapping sound talked about above) while giving view of the childs bottom and no frontal nudity is needed, or (b) Taking the childs underwear and tucking it in the crack, therefore no frontal nudity is shown, and you have an almost full (about 75%) view of the bare bottom, and parents/spankers can track bottom redness and how hard they are hitting with the impact on the childs skin.
- Never spank a child while angry
- Never spank a child anywhere other than the buttocks!
- Never exceed 20 spanks.
- Never use implements, no matter what the age or size of the child, or the crime they did! (This is illegal in the US, Canada, UK, and most of Europe anyways!) It is too hard to control an implement and can be very dangerous, possibly leaving lasting marks. Do not use implements!
- Make sure that you are being careful where you are spanking them. It is dangerous to hit the tailbone, and can leave lots of damage.
- Watch how hard you are hitting. There should be no bruising or marks (other than a red bottom) at all. If the child is complaining that it is hard to sit down the next day or day after that, or your hand is beginning or did hurt during the spanking, then you are/were hitting too hard. The most that should happen is that they have a red bottom up to an hour or two after the spanking. Anything beyond that is starting on abuse.
- Some children are drama queens: just because they are crying very loud does not mean that you have spanked enough. Get to know your child and how they react to pain before spanking, so you know at what limit you can spank at.
- Never spank in public, other than a swat or two for warning- there are some people that may find this unacceptable and, though this is unfair, will cry child abuse. Wait till you are in a car or, even better, at home, away from the public to spank. Simply use warnings or quiet swats in public, and make sure to carry out the promised spankings once you are home!
Things You'll Need
- a clear head
- self control
- a private place
- a tall bed or chair to sit on or bend over
- an open, flexible hand
- a misbehaving bottom
The following are articles that we have on the subject.
Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking